keef dot org shows no signs of lethality or psychosis

Sorry I didn’t update yesterday. I spent most of it sleeping. I was up all night the night before last, hammering out some fictiony goodness for my fiction writing class. I came up with nine pages of pretty damn good stuff, if I do say so myself. It’s the first chapter of this novel. I’m swearing to myself right now that I’m going to finish this fucker, even if (as has happened many times before) 90 pages into it I read it over and realize it’s shitty.

Goddamn Philosophy class. Here’s a direct goddamn quote from one of my teachers yesterday.

“I’m not concerned with how things work in the actual world.”

I swear to god. She said that. Jesus fucking Christ. I’m sorry, but I fail to see the usefulness of taking a class that has ABSOLUTELY NO PRACTICAL VALUE WHATSOEVER. Man oh man. Arg.

I only have two more weeks of class. Next Monday is the last day of my Fiction writing class. It’s also the day that my nine-pager is critiqued. Then I’ve got a final exam and a paper due for philosophy class on friday. Ayone got any suggestions for paper topics? The philosophical ramifications of Keanu Reeves having no eyebrows in The Matrix? Locke’s identity theories and the juxtaposition between my ass-cheeks as relevant to Arnold Schwarzenegger movies?

I’m running low on interesting shit. Here’s a funny picture of me drinking a forty-ounce of OE800 in front of a Budweiser truck.

Okay. I need to shower and get ready for class. I really ought to give the Captain a ring. And Dane. That rat-bastard. Anyway. Adios.

Oh, man.

I’m such a procrastinator. Tomorrow’s when I need to turn in this short fiction piece. It needs to be ten to twenty pages.

I started it this afternoon.

I’m sorry I can’t spend a lot of time updating tonight, but I’ve got to hammer out as much as I can before 1:30 tomorrow. I’ve got twelve hours, I should be able to come up with some good stuff.

Here’s another cool ad to tide you over.

BizzaroClark: Ok, I was working at the YMCA and this little kid who was 4 and mennonite was talking to me, and was looking at my car and asked me, “What is this?” and I replied, “It’s a pen,” and he wanted to see it, so I let him. He took it and drew a picture of a “t” and said, “This is the cross that Jesus died on.”
KeefKeefKeefKeef: YAY
BizzaroClark: I gave him the pen too
BizzaroClark: He thought it would rip through paper
BizzaroClark: He had never seen one
KeefKeefKeefKeef: Weird.
BizzaroClark: Yeah
BizzaroClark: But he knows who Spider-Man is

And now, here it is, ladies and gentlemen– THE COOLEST AD IN THE WORLD.

So today I was trying to blast my jet-peg free, to no avail. Then I tried to unstrap my jet-peg. My hands kept slipping. I yanked and yanked at that cursed, mutant, energy-blasting jet-peg.

In other news, I worked more and more today. Another big long day. Hopefully I get another big big paycheck out of it. I ordered some more shoes. I bet you’re really interested in the mundane details of my mundane life. CIO

I have to read four more short stories and write critiques for class tomorrow. One of ’em is really, really bad. Incredibly, horrifically bad. Oh god, it’s so bad. I don’t know what I’m going to say when we all have to spout off positively.

“Um… it’s good that it wasn’t longer. Ahhh… you did a good job keeping adverbs from cluttering up the descriptions. Ummm… you make some great fries at Mickey D’s. Don’t quit your day job, kid, stick to what you’re good at- flipping burgers.”

I read it twice, and I honest to god had a headache. Thanks, buddy. Your “talent” makes me want to vomit. Man, it’s a good thing I can spout off here. If I had to do it tomorrow, I’d constructively critique my boot right into his crotch. Emphasising certain words with kicks to the jewels. “DO your goddamn RESEARCH you’re an IDIOT can I have FRIES with that?”

I’ve found a couple more beautifully artistic and expressive comics panels. One is above, detailing the demise of shitty Iron Man villain Kraken. Here’s another one that I found, from the Incredible Hulk. I love this one for the dumb-ass exposition.

Okay, I’m gonna get cracking. Tomorrow I’ll have to coolest ad ever for y’all. Honest to god. Coolest ad ever. I promise.

Long day today.

I did my radio show last night from one to four AM. Then I got home around four-thirty, and it took a half hour to get to bed. Then I had to get up at nine, shower, and go to work in time for opening at 10:00. Then I worked till 7:00, came home. It was an incredibly long day, working. This is the first job I’ve had where I’m on my feet the entire time. My back aches, my feet go numb. But hey- I get to read all the comics I want.

For example. From Uncanny X-Men #94:

Don’t that just tug at the old heartstrings? I know I feel sorry for him. Him and his cursed, mutant, energy-blasting EYES! Yeah.

As I read these ancient comics, I’ll occasionally borrow some, bring them here, and scan some choice panels so that you’ll see exactly what can be expressed through sequential art, or “comic books.” What potential!

So anyway. Had a wonderful dinner of homemade maple hot wings, watched Nurse Betty, and now I’m going to sleep so I’ll have lots of rest before I get up tomorrow and work for nine hours. Yay.

Hope dope de ope dope… let’s see.

I got a B- on my midterm. I reckon I’m pretty happy with that. We watched the end of that Warren Beatty movie with the football and the Chris Rock and the Julie Christy and the WAHOY! My face is on fire.

I didn’t get a single goddamn thing done last night with this book idea. After I built it all up on here. So next time, I’m not gonna tell y’all about it. I’m just going to do it. That way if I fail, no one watches me plummet in flames. It’s my own personal scarring failure. No one else gets to watch. Unless they pay me.

Here is a picture of the birthday cake I got last year.

I did start work on another project today, one not unrelated to the book idea. In fact, they’re sort of related, you might say. Heh heh. Oh yes, very related indeed. Heh heh. Mwahaha. NYUK NYUK NYUK NYUK!

I’ve been reading Cruddy, the Lynda Barry novel. I like it a lot so far. It was recommended highly.

Tonight I’m going to see that new flick The Score. What a cast. I’ve heard mixed reviews. I’ll let y’all know how I feel about it. If you want me to, anyway.

My weekend is going to be full of work. Work, work, work. I work tomorrow after noon and all day saturday and sunday. Man. But I found out today that for every hour I work at the comic shop, I get 45 cents store credit in addition to my wage! Woohoo!

So I’ve got a pretty good idea of how the first chapter of my new novel is going to go. I’m starting to get pretty damned nervous. I haven’t had any good ideas in so long and now this one’s shaping up really well. I’ve already taken some of the steps I needed to take to implement my project. Sorry I can’t get any more specific than that.

I get my mid-term back tomorrow. Cross your fingers for me. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

Today in class we watched some bits and pieces of Heaven Can Wait, this 1970s movie with Warren Beatty in it that was recently remade into a shitty movie with Chris Rock in it. It was pretty good. We’ve got to read some Locke, and tomorrow we’re going to watch the read of the Warren Beatty movie and talk about it. Yeah, back to the frustrating norm.

I think that’s about it. I’m going to maybe watch a movie and try to get started on that first chapter tonight. Putting it down like that in my blog cements it and makes me get all nervous. My ears get all hot. I hope it goes well. Wish me luck.

Adios.

Here’s a picture of some lions.

I woke up this morning after having had the strangest dream. I had this little pet, and I referred to it as a chameleon, but it was really more like a grasshopper with pebbled, leathery skin and iguana eyes. I had this little plastic cage, it was a foot-long cylinder that stood on one of the ends. About two inches up from the bottom was a one-inch-square hole through which the creature could enter and exit.

The police started harassing me for something. They picked up the cylindrical plastic cage, obviously not knowing what it was, and one of the cops started laughing. I think he mistook it for a bong or something for which I could be arrested. As he was laughing, the creature hopped out through the hole and right into his mouth, where it landed on his tongue. It took him until he closed his mouth to realize that there was a foreign object in it, at which point he turned beet red and spit it out. He tried to stomp it with his gestapo boots, but I didn’t see if my chameleon-creature escaped or not.

Anyway, I got hauled off to jail. Then I woke up.

So class was frustrating again today. I think I’m going to avoid Philosophy classes as long as I can. Maybe I’ll post some of the cartoons that my roommate Mike and I drew while in our Philosophy class last semester. The frustration isn’t worth the painful lack of learning offered in philosophy classes. It’s mindless pseudo-arguing, resulting in no answers or insights. Dammit.

Oh! Yeah! I came up with a good idea for a novel. And also I think I’ve got a good lead for this short story class. I’ll keep you updated on the short story thing. The working title is “Double Jewish Bacon Sisters.” It might turn into a collaborative novel.

So I think one of the reasons that I don’t have many ideas for writing is that I tend to consider my conversations with other people as sort of “off-limits.” Like, I wouldn’t write a story about how my pal was worried about his girlfriend being pregnant, because he told me that in confidence.

But that’s a load of crap.

I should write about anything that interests me. If someone tells me a secret, that’s fodder for my fiction writing. Anything that anyone talks to me about is fair game. HAH! I can finally tell y’all about the time that Johnny Crotchpump told me he was gay for his dad! And the story about Ford Dropacip de-horning cows and getting a boner! And about how Frankie Stankfoot killed his little sister and stashed her body under his porch, and then she started to stink and he had to throw her in the septic tank! IT’S ALL COMING OUT, PEOPLE!

Consider yourselves warned.

Okay. I was talking to my friend Erin today about the movie Blood Simple, which I watched last week and thought was a steaming pile of dung.

oppsie1 : i saw it on big screen
KeefKeefKeefKeef : Man.
KeefKeefKeefKeef : You’re old.
KeefKeefKeefKeef : Oldy.
oppsie1 : they rereleased it, feeb
KeefKeefKeefKeef : Heh. Suuure they did, oldy.
oppsie1 : i actually didn’t get carded in maine last night for beer with my lobster, i was quite surprised.
oppsie1 : maybe i’m just getting old. sigh. oldy.
oppsie1 : moldy oldy.
KeefKeefKeefKeef : How old are you, old fellah?
oppsie1 : 22
KeefKeefKeefKeef : Well, shit. That’s how old I am.
KeefKeefKeefKeef : When you turn 23?
oppsie1 : end of november.
KeefKeefKeefKeef : Or are you bullshitting me?
oppsie1 : i’m not bullshitting you.
KeefKeefKeefKeef : It would appear that the tables have turned.
KeefKeefKeefKeef : I am suddenly the oldy.
oppsie1 : i hope you’re older than me just so you can feel like an OLD FUCKING FART
oppsie1 : OLDY
oppsie1 : OLDY
oppsie1 : KEEF IS AN OLDY
KeefKeefKeefKeef : Oh, shit, you’re making me laugh out loud in the LIBRARY, dude.
oppsie1 : KEEF WASN’T TOILET TRAINED IN TIME FOR KINDERGARTEN
oppsie1 : HE HAD TO RED SHIRT HIS FRESHMAN YEAR OF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
KeefKeefKeefKeef : ha ha ha! Ohhh god, who told you?
KeefKeefKeefKeef : What’s “red shirting?”
oppsie1 : red shirting is when you sit out a year of eligibility for injury
KeefKeefKeefKeef : Sounds like an archaic term that I wouldn’t know, oldy.