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HEY GUYS

I made baklava

come get some of this before it is all gone

I am terrible at going to the gym.

I say this not to be self-deprecating, not out of some charismatic attempt to belittle myself in the minds of my readers and thus inspire empathy or jocularity, but as objective fact. I really suck at working out. Aside from a four-year stint in high school when I fenced (and even then, I didn’t really run) and some off-and-on racquetball jaunts in college, I have not been a fan of exercise. Like, ever. When I lived in Houston and worked at the University of Houston, I dabbled with the elliptical machine at the gym on campus, because I had cheap rates and it was a brief walk across campus, but that’s about it.

Yes, before you mention it, this has been a source of some small ignominy to me. And now, dear friends and colleagues and readers, I have stumbled upon a solution. An iPhone. An iPhone and The Wire.

I am lucky enough to have a friend who upgraded to the most recent iPhone. When he did, he gave me his old one. It has the same processor, but it’s not shiny and new and 4G or whatever. I don’t have AT&T, so it doesn’t much matter. It works as a phone, I can text with it, and it has a big ol’ screen that I can utilize to play game “apps” on the can and check my email (when I can get a wireless signal). Also, the enormous screen is great for watching videos.

The Wire is a television show that I’ve been meaning to watch for a while. Many people whose opinions I respect love this show and have tried to get me into it. My friends Dan and Bill have tried to get me into this show. My friend Nate Unique has tried to get me into this show. My old pal Erin tried to get me into the show. Musician, producer, and extremely nice guy John Vanderslice tried to get me into this show. But here’s the thing– there are like five seasons of the show, and it’s supposed to be engrossing but depressing, and it seemed like kind of a massive undertaking to get into the show and then feel obligated to watch sixty hour-long episodes.

And now, holy shit, two birds, one stone! I converted The Wire to .mp4 format and slapped the first season onto my fresh iPhone. And I’m back from the gym after watching the first episode. And man, that was a pretty damn good show. I didn’t even realize that I was sweating my balls off and running four miles. Elliptical-machining four miles. Whatever. Balls.

And I don’t know, really, my willpower is not all that hot. But I want to watch more of the show, and I want to go to the gym after working until midnight, and I feel pretty good about this. After The Wire, then what? Twin Peaks again? Finally all of The Shield? What’re the most engrossing television shows you’ve ever seen?

And now: two photos that I took with my phone today.

Probably the best thing I’ve written yet. This is a small pile of limited copies that are going to people as part of an art exchange deal, wherein I’m hoping to get peoples’ responses, make it better, and attempt publication in one of the finer literary thingies. It’s always exciting.

So today I have been making French Onion Soup.

I’m using the Cooks Illustrated recipe, which is great thus far, but exceedingly time consuming. After a couple hours of working on the onions– just the onions, mind you– I took a quick phone snapshot of their delicious golden nature and sent it to a couple people, including Mr. Mike Ed Ringtone.

Here is that photo.

A few minutes later, Mr. Ringtone responded with a phone snapshot of his own:

Fin.

An hour later, I had been working my way through the second of three eventual deglazings. The onions were turning a straight-up beautiful brown, and were starting to smell insanely delicious. I took another photo, and sent it to Mr. Ringtone.

Here is that photo:

And Mr. Ringtone responded again:

My French onion soup is still not done. It will be what is eaten for dinner tomorrow. THAT is what’s up.